How to Handle a Nasty Rumor at Work


In any normal office place there are going to be rumors. Normally it’s all fun and games when the water cooler talk is about that idiot Gary, but what do you do when the grapevine is talking about you?!?

  1. DON’T PANIC! Even if the Monday morning scuttlebutt is all about your own butt it’s probably just idle chatter. The accounting department can’t possibly know the full extent of your weekends debauchery.
  2. Get the Whole Story.  Be calm. Spend the morning lurking, hiding, and eavesdropping your way to a more complete picture. Lisa knows that you left the bar with Tom but does she know what happened next?
  3. Use the Rumor Mill to Your Advantage. Start a rumor of your own! Each work day is only 8 hours long and there is a finite amount of whisper peddling to be done. Everyone knew Jasper’s daughter was having behavioral issues; maybe you “saw an e-mail” from her highschool principal regarding her “rampant drug abuse!”
  4. Cover Your Tracks.  We both know things got a little out of control this weekend. Do what you can to mitigate any potential embarassment going forward.
  5. Have An Exit Strategy. Look, Tom is dead. It’s only a matter of time before your co-workers realize what happened. Now how are you going to deal with it?
  6. Don’t Look Back. Going home is no longer an option for you. Your life is on the run now. Grab your bug-out bag and try to enjoy life on the run.
Cow Tips!
*Remember, Latex gloves leave fingerprints on the inside.
*The bartender is a liability.
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