How To Be A Good Kisser

For a lot of people kissing just comes naturally. Obviously that isn’t the case for you. Stop just closing your eyes and moving your head in slow motion toward your own face in a mirror, it’s unhealthy and will lead to weird masturbating habits.

  1. Freshen your breath. You will need multiple packs of Listerine Pocket Pack Breath Strips. A national poll showed that the #1 thing that ruins a kiss is stinky breath! Amateur kissers will use one squirt of breath spray, but you want to be a good kisser for the rest of your life. Place the strips on your tongue until the pain forces you to lose consciousness. When you wake up your tongue should have reduced in size by about 1/3 and be inhospitable to bacteria for at least 27 months.
  2. Make Sure You Don’t Have Any Blood in Your Mouth. The same national poll that showed the leading cause of a bad kiss is stinky breath also found that the second leading cause is a condition known as “too much blood in your mouth.”
  3. Lead with your teeth. So why do humans love snogging so much anyway? Biologically speaking, the act of of lip judo stimulates the release of dopamine and oxytocin. These chemicals contribute to the calming sensation and joy that kissing brings. So how can you maximize on your kissing fix? Try to bang your teeth together as much as possible. This is a signal to the brain that mouth romancing is happening and will make the experience great for both kissers.
  4. Floss. Floss. Floss. Floss. Not beforehand silly! The best way to signal to a date that you are ready to lock lips is to rope their teeth. Always keep some extra dental in your pocket and when the moment is right uncap it and aim for the spot between the upper left and the upper right central.
Cow Tips!
*If you want a kiss to be really special, use extra garlic.
*Ask your orthodontist to make your braces as big as possible to maximize your kissable surface area.

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