How To Get A Lot Of “Likes” On Your Facebook Status

These days, thanks to social networking, it’s very easy to see where you fall within the virtual social hierarchy. On Facebook, you can differentiate who the popular and not-so-popular kids are based on sabermetric-like measurements such as number of wall posts, aggregate amount of pictures, notifications per hour, etc. But one of the big factors is how much traffic your Facebook status can generate. If you want people to be talking about it at the water-cooler the next day, you have to bring your A-Game. Here are some tips for different groups of people.

  1. Be philosophical. Sometimes, how you are feeling is best expressed in form of a meaningful quote or phrase that encapsulates your emotions. This can be feelings on your love life, professional career, or an episode of ABC’s surprise hit Revenge. Don’t be afraid to drop something like “John Someone…is picking up the pieces.” People may not know what you are talking about, but will identify with your ambiguous usage of ill-fitting idioms. An added bonus is the plethora of comments asking “yo wats up dude??” This technique has been perfected by those under the age of 17, usually around Prom.
  2. Be apathetic. Twenty-somethings love discussing their hatred of Facebook, usually over Facebook. Thus, often, eschewing words and using pictures is where the real money is. A nice instragrammed picture of a taxi or your finger, with a caption such as “Yellow” or “oh hey finger” will be met with universal praise. One member in particular once garnered a record-breaking 639 Likes on her status with a picture of just her eye as she lies on a bed, Sutro-filtered, attached with the caption “Not feelin’ it.”
  3. Be anecdotal. Look, the people on Facebook are your friends (quite literally, they are referred to as “Friends”). This clearly means they are invested in your life and your daily happenings. Keep them afloat of what’s going on, such as how many hours of sleep you got, what your new work-out song is, and especially if your baby burps or has an accident in his/her diaper. Your friends will be clamoring for more! The demographic that has really embraced this method is the above 40 crowd, who are mostly trying to show off to their kids’ friends that they know how to use Facebook and are aware of who “Little Wayne” is.
  4. Be persistent. Everyone logs onto Facebook at different times, and a big worry is that people may miss your status should it get lost amongst the clutter on an individual’s newsfeed. Hence, don’t be afraid to repost it for the benefit of your friends. Research shows there are four main times that are recommended for maximum status exposure: 6.30am (when people wake up), 12.15pm (lunchtime/afternoon poop time), 5.15pm (evening commute/tea time), and 11.03pm (when people are inebriated). Different people will like it at various times, and at the end of the day you can sit back and tally up the cumulative totals. This is a common practice amongst parents who assume that a lack of notifications correlates to people not seeing what they wrote and warrants writing the same status again later.
Cow Tips!
*Feel free to like your own status at first, just to let people know you’re status is open for business.
*Try out some of your potential statuses at open mic nights or cafe slam poetry competitions to see what kind of initial responses they get.

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