How To Get Drunk

Hey bro, are you being serious right now dude?  Are you seriously asking how to get drunk? Dude that’s not cool…unless you are twelve. Then it’s very cool! Anyway, people have been getting drunk for thousands of years man, ever since John F. Kennedy invented alcohol. Stop being a baby and just listen.

  1. Stop being a baby.  Come on man. Don’t be a little bitch. Shotgun these ten beers. We are going to McDonald’s in 10 fucking minutes bro. Nobody has fun at McDonald’s unless they are hammered sauce and raisins.
  2. Shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots shots.  Everybody.
  3. Don’t chase.  Chasers are for children dude. You can either chase with air, water, or your own dick. If you don’t have a dick then you can chase with mine but just this weekend until you get your own dick. YEAH!
  4. Get “Iced.”  You want to get drunk? Oh hey I’ll show you how bro. I don’t care if you didn’t mean right now. No I’m not going to wait till after class. Ok fine I’ll wait till after class. Hey, can you just grab a pencil out of my backpack? Dude! I’m tired, you do it. Yeah right there in the front pock…. OH YOU GOT ICED SON! CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG! YES! Yes? Yeah I’ll go. Sorry Professor Friedman. I’m pretty drunk anyway so I’ll just see you tomorrow. Although, actually tonight is Senior Bar Night so I’ll just see you on Monday probably. Hey, Professor Friedman? I think I left my calculator in your desk. Yeah, right there in the top drawe….OH YOU GOT ICED BITCH!
Cow Tips!
*Make sure to “take it to the face.”
*Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer you will bang a freshman!

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