How To Tell Whether Someone Meant Pitbull The Rapper or Pitbull A Pit Bull

Just picture it: you are having a great conversation with an old friend, or someone you just met, and then things take a turn for the worse, and you commit one of the ugliest social faux pas of the 21st century. You turn a fun chat about the success of Mr. Worldwide into a nightmare conversation concerning the horrors of dog fighting. Damn the ambiguity of the English language! However, with close listening and a patient approach, here are ways you can be SURE you are talking about the right pitbull. 

  1. Inquire about facial accessories. As soon as you hear the word(s) ‘pitbull’, gently interrupt your conversation partner and ask, “Just to be clear — was he wearing shades?” This question will seem both innocuous and relevant regardless of whether your topic of conversation is Mr. 305, or simply a dog.  If the answer is “Yes, he was wearing shades,” you are probably dealing with the worlds greatest entertainer. If the answer is, “No. I’m talking about a dog,” you are probably talking about a dog, but you will need more information to be sure.
  2. Don’t commit.  Until you can be certain what you are discussing, deflect. Make general statements that could apply to either a dog or a multi-platinum artist. Ex. “It’s amazing how many homes pitbull is in.” “So relentless.” “I know, I want one!”
  3. Read facial cues. Begin dropping subtle references that push your partner into clarifying one way or another, but be prepared to backtrack based on the facial expression of your friend, lover, or stranger you are discussing pitbull(s) with. Start with “Michael Vick wouldn’t like that!” — but be prepared to follow-up with “…cause he hates rap” — but then also make sure to keep “…and dogs” in your back pocket as a follow-up to the follow-up.
  4. Mention the Baha Men.  Pitbull fans (the only people who will be talking about Pitbull) cannot abide by any mention of a musical artist with dog-based fame/name. It drives them crazy. Therefore, they will be forced to out themselves at the first reference of 1998’s hit song ”Who Let The Dogs Out?’ or its talented composers. Simple dog owners will likely join in on the refrain, or answer “I think my son did when he was younger!”
Cow Tips!
*If you are talking to Pitbull himself, you will likely be discussing pit bulls (he is very humble).
*If you are talking to a pit bull you are likely incredibly lonely or high.
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