How To Jailbreak An iPhone

Nowadays, it seems that everyone outside of drug dealers has a smartphone to their name, and the big debate that has dominated many a dinner table discussion is the one that pits the iPhone against the Android. While most of the comparisons dwell on features such as internet speed, camera pixels, and reliability, the biggest talking point is that of the iPhone’s predilection for criminal behavior. When you buy an iPhone, you are also purchasing a phone that is known for its hijinx, so don’t be surprised if it gets caught and is sent straight to the clank. Luckily, here are some ways to stage an epic coup and break your iPhone right out of jail.

  1. Tunnels. Because it is a non-human, non-living, harmless combination of glass, metal, and plastic, iPhones are often sent to very low security prisons (AT&T stores). Therefore, attempting to break in using underground tunnels is a feasible option to free your phone. Locating a map of your local retailer and pinpointing the location of your phone is the hard part; digging through an alley in the back through the sewers to the point of captivity is a cinch. This option can be used to free multiple iPhones at once.
  2. Disguises. Everyone enjoys acting; heck, even iPhones like to pretend that having two bars means your call will go through. Therefore, using a disguise to infiltrate prisons and save your cell could be a fun opportunity. To avoid being revealed, dress like an Android user; use the phrase “Yeah, but can you update your status and twitter at the SAME time?” No one will suspect a thing, and when the coast is clear, grab your phone and head for the exits.
  3. Full out attack. Sometimes, going the amicable route just won’t cut it. If dealing with particularly hostile guards, it may be worthwhile to enlist the help of other iPhones and go on the offensive. With the help of the lightsaber app, some angry birds, the characters from Mafia Wars, and giant falling balls, you’ll have enough strength to defeat even the strongest of opponents. Sometimes, bloodshed is the only solution.
Cow Tips!
*Was just informed that the term “jailbreak” in this situation DOES NOT refer to a prison escape.
*iPhones are often targeted because they are black.
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