How To Plan The Perfect Summer Getaway

With the temperatures toasty and the days longer, is there any doubt that summertime is the best season of the year? It reminds us all of the good ol’ days as kids, when we would have three months to frolic around carefree, hang out with our friends, and spend afternoons smooching Suzy Sanders underneath the football field bleachers. But now, we are inundated with reports, meetings, assignments, tests – our best days are behind us. However, everyone deserves a break, and it’s vital for your health to escape the stressful trappings of your life for a few days. Here’s how to plan the perfect summer jaunt:

  1. Escape the crowds. The last thing you want to deal with on your vacation is hoards of annoying people spoiling the three days of solitude you will be allowed all year, so choose your spot wisely. You want to go to a place where you and your thoughts (and perhaps your spouse and kids) can be alone, with no crying babies ruining the peace. Most people will go to tropical beaches or European cities, but not you. Think of places you know will be tourist-free, such as Wisconsin, Baghdad, or the island from LOST.
  2. Pack judiciously. Most people pack for vacations as if they are never coming back home, but unless you are ACTUALLY going to the (aforementioned) island from LOST, you most probably are (or aren’t?) (didn’t understand the last season). Pack lightly and intelligently. Here are the basics you will need for a standard four day vacation: 3 underwear, 8 pairs of socks, 19 fedoras, 1 bra, 8 magazines, 19 sunglasses (one for each fedora look), 4 headphones, 1 fake wallet with $400 monopoly money (for the inevitable robbery), 1 real wallet with $3,000 real money (for the inevitable re-robbery + stabbing), and maybe 1 more fedora.
  3. Go with a good group. A vacation is only as fun as the people you go with, so you want to ensure you have a fun crew by your side. Often, this can mean your own family! Even more often, it can mean not your own family. Put up ads on Craigslist asking for a “Travel Buddy” to “get wet with”. Stand by the boarding gate of your plane, and attach yourself to a group that is laughing a lot. At first they may be resistant, but say Ted/Jenny invited you and you’ll be accepted in no time. Every group has a Ted or a Jenny who always invites randoms!
Cow Tips!
*Most planes have a strict 15 fedora limit, but if you are crafty, you can usually sneak a few more in past TSA.
*If you are worried that your spouse/kids will want to travel with you, simply tell them that Ted/Jenny said that they couldn’t come.

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