How To Really, And I Mean Really, Hurt Your Mom’s Feelings

It’s not even fair anyway, you know. Legally. She can’t tell you that you can’t go to ice cream social. That’s kidnapping. Plus she probably doesn’t even care anyway. She never does. All SHE cares about is NCIS and your brother and that STUPID quilt she is making. But you’ll show her. You’ll really show her. She can’t treat you like that anyway. Why does she even care what you are wearing? It’s not her body. I mean, you are practically an adult. In a few years you’ll be able to drive and then you can finally get out of this town. But for now, this will have to do.

  1. Silent treatment.  If you are going to be treated like an adult you have to act like an adult and that means NO kicking and screaming. Adults quietly ignore each other until they both figure out the problem, or get a divorce.  Besides, Mom doesn’t have any friends anyway. If you don’t talk to her about your day and hot high schoolers she  will probably spiral into a deep depression that will force your whole stupid family into homelessness. That’ll show her for turning off the TV before you could watch The Pauly D Project again. Especially don’t talk to her when she is doing taxes or trying to focus on work. That’s when she needs you the most.
  2. Finish your homework.  You know how Mom is always asking you to finish your homework? It’s practically the only reason she even exists. What if you just totally did it without her even asking? She’d probably go up to her room and just cry and call Dr. Phil.
  3. Watch/Listen to things she likes ironically.  Mom always watches such STUPID TV shows and listens to such STUPID music. Put on her favorite dumb record, and when she asks if you like it say, “Yeah I totally like it. I was so wrong earlier. I actually really can see how this influenced the stuff that I listen to.” Ya. OK!
  4. Prank call your Grandparents.  You know what would totally make her the maddest? You should just play a mean joke on your Grandparents. I mean, those old idiots did teach your Mom how to ruin your life after all, didn’t they?  Call them up, and when they say hello, just don’t even have a reason to be calling them.  Just say “Oh I was just CALLING! For NO REASON!” Oh yeah. No way you will ever have to write a thank you note again.
Cow Tips!
*Angrily throw your clothes into the hamper. Furiously smash your banana peel right into the garbage disposal.
*Wait until Annie’s Homegrown Organic Shells and White Cheddar night. Take one bite then push your plate back and say “I prefer Annie’s Homegrown Totally Natural White Shells and Cheddar.”
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Comments
5 Responses to “How To Really, And I Mean Really, Hurt Your Mom’s Feelings”
  1. jess says:

    wow so fucking lame

  2. Aneska says:

    That worked good! Thanks

  3. Aneska says:

    But now i kin of feel off for her.

  4. Aneska says:

    so shut up and delete this sight! it is descusting

  5. Aneska says:

    you are such a lame person!

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