How To Deal With Insomnia

There are an innumerable number of reasons that humans lose sleep. Do you have a big test tomorrow? Do you have a baby inside of you?  Is there a clown sitting on the edge of your bed that you did NOT invite? Did you recently have a Pepsi? Or more realistically (strictly based on sales) a Coke? (Or even a Diet Coke?)   Don’t toss and turn all night, try these simple steps to suck your thoughts out of your head for a few precious hours.

  1. Refresh your e-mail.  You are awake right now anyway. Insomnia is a common thing isn’t it? Maybe you have an e-mail?
  2. Check your phone.  Maybe your phone rang earlier. Did it ring? It was probably a text. See if it was a text. I think maybe it was a text. Also, what time is it? Really? That late. Relax, relax. Wait, I think THAT was a text.
  3. See if there is a new episode of The Newsroom.  Newsroom airs on Sunday, right? On Sunday? Well when do the episodes go up? You missed last weeks. Oh no wait maybe not. What day is it? Crap. Nothing. Wait…Now? Did I watch the last Entourage episode?
  4. Knowledge is power. Do some online reading. Somebody out there on the internet must have solved this problem, right? I mean, the good people at Yahoo answers have provided answers to some of life’s greatest questions. Like “Can jelqing your penis 24 times a day for a month cause penis growth?” They must’ve conquered this insomnia thing right? Right?
Cow Tips!
*If you are reading this you did not follow the above directions. Start over from step 1.
*Don’t count sheep. Sheep are notoriously difficult to count. Count stoats – a much easier species to keep track of.
2 Responses to “How To Deal With Insomnia”
  1. I was suggested this blog by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my difficulty. You’re amazing! Thanks!

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