How To Get Through Freshman Orientation Week

It’s that time of the year again! As the sun begins to set on summer vacation, millions of kids and young adults alike will begin a new journey into unknown territory. Whether it be high school, college, medical school or defensive driving school, the first five days are your time to get acquainted with your new surroundings, forge friendships, and make a statement that will resonate with your peers for the years to come. Although it can be intimidating, following these steps will ensure that you make the most of the magical period that is Orientation Week.

  1. Ask questions. Your orientation will most likely be led by an elder facilitator who has a few years of experience under their belt, and he/she will encourage you to ask any question you may have. Now is a great way to begin separating yourself from the pack. While others ask about building locations and prerequisites, quiz your group leader about the best strains of Mary Jane on campus or the best ‘hook-up’ location. Immediately, everyone will assume you’re the life of the party because you asked two awesome questions and will want to befriend you. As an added bonus, your group leader will surely invite you to their next fraternity or sorority formal for your usage of the phrase Mary Jane.
  2. Dress the part. Approximately 96% of our perception of each other is based on sartorial choices rather than personality or morals, so spend time cultivating the right look. For guys: backwards fitted cap, lanyard with ID card plus key to your dorm room/mom’s ’96 Toyota Camry, t-shirt with a picture of Che Guevara/Big Lebowski, red sneakers. For girls: sideways pony + headband, sweatpants carefully folded down once at the waist, pink highlighter wedged above your ear, and beige Uggs.
  3. Have a ‘shtick’. Think back to other orientations you’ve been to; you probably can’t remember anything informative or thought-provoking that was discussed, can you? However, what you definitely remember is that story about someone who climbed the math building naked, or that individual who pooped on the president’s lawn, or that person who was expelled within 48 hours of arriving. In an ideal world, all three of those people would be you. Get on it.
Cow Tips!
*Your first friend will probably be your new roommate, so be sure to leave a good initial impression by getting to the room early and decorating his/her side with confetti, balloons, silly string, and a petting zoo.
*FYI: Most people come into college already in a long distance relationship with someone, but it’s always ‘open’ or ‘in a rough patch’.
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