How To Tell A Guest To Leave

Your party is over, your hosting complete. The crowd slowly dwindles, with pleasure replete. The trash has been gathered. The tables are cleared. The dishes are lathered, and ” YO CABS ARE HERE.” Your head hits the pillow, it drops with a thunk.  The drinks are all gone, and all gone are the drunks. Oh … Continue reading

How To Register To Vote

Due to us all being upstanding citizens living in the World’s Greatest Democracy, we are afforded certain rights that others around the world unfortunately do not have. These include: freedom of speech, freedom to wear skinny jeans, freedom to watch five episodes of Honey Boo Boo back-to-back, and most importantly, freedom to vote. We take … Continue reading

How To Get To Sesame Street

Modern technology can do many things. We literally put pieces of pigs in humans sometimes, and the humans keep living! You can buy an iPod…FROM YOUR iPOD! Unreal. These life changing bits of tech have also affected the long dormant field of cartography. When looking for geographical guidance, we’ve become accustomed to plugging an address … Continue reading

How To Succeed in Life

In order to succeed in life you will need talent, drive, luck, Andrew Luck’s phone number, willpower, and probably other things. Depending on your path in life, those other things might be a noodle (spaghetti or pool toy), an Alex Rodriguez rookie card, larger than average lung capacity, Tony Romo’s cell phone number, and a … Continue reading

How To Lose A Ton Of Weight Without Having To Work Out

A recent poll lists the following as the top 5 things that people would like to change about themselves. 1. Lose a few pounds. 2. Different colored hair. 3. Be closer friends with Bieber. 4. Change my job. 5. Be born in a different era that has more dinosaurs or robots or, hopefully, both. Most of … Continue reading

How To Deal With Your Friend’s Engagement

Remember when we were kids, and all our lives were pretty much uniform? School, playdates, snack-time, videogames, breast-feeding…those were the days! No competition, no jealousy, no ill will, no Will.I.Am. Unfortunately, when you hit your 20s, a strange thing starts to happen. People begin branching off and straying from the path that you had assumed … Continue reading

How To Get Into College

The American Dream is changing; the classic vision of home ownership, a white picket fence, a small dog, two and a half kids, at least one slave, a quiet unambitious wife, and the fastest horse money can buy no longer rings true to many Americans (most of these changes can be attributed to women being … Continue reading

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