How To Be Successful At Online Dating

Over the last ten to fifteen years, there has been a noticeable shift in the way couples have begun to meet each other. Traditional methods, such as sharing a joint at a Dave Matthews Concert, or bonding over a common love of hemp bracelets (at a Dave Matthews Concert) have become almost obsolete. With the recent advent of technology, many singles have turned to the internet to find their missing piece in the puzzle of life. According to dating website eHarmony, one in five couples has met online, and if we expand the scope of the study to include Twitter bots, it’s three in five. Clearly, this route is working for people, so don’t be left behind! Here’s how to turn those dating blues right around.

  1. Select your pictures wisely. The first thing any visitor will see on your page are your pictures, and most of his/her decision to message you will be based on whether they get that special tingling feeling wayyy down there (meaning their toes). So put your best foot forward! Also, include pictures of your face. To heighten intrigue, use pictures where your face may be obstructed, leaving the viewer no choice but to meet you on a date, just to make sure you are not Olympic Gold Medal winner Ryan Lochte.
  2. Be as honest as you can. Remember, some of these people WILL eventually meet you in real life, so there is no point in gratuitously lying in your bio section. Everyone appreciates truthfulness, especially in regards to important things like Body Type and Marital Status. Ok, fine, maybe small exaggerations such as noting your height as 6’4 instead of 5’3 won’t hurt anyone, but it’s just poor taste to not mention your webbed feet. You have to mention your webbed feet, cannot stress this enough.
  3. Plan a unique first date. You did it! You nabbed a date with the guy/girl of your cyber dreams, and so the last thing you want to do is screw it up. Offer to plan the first date yourself, giving you the opportunity to really ‘Wow’ your future spouse. The key is to make it memorable, so the old food and drinks routine will not cut it. Think bigger, like a week long Alaska cruise or dinner at your grandparents house. If you plan well in advance, it’s sometimes possible to book a spot on a NASA Moon Mission, because NOTHING says ‘I Like You’ more than a three year orbit around the earth.
  4. Keep your options open. While things may be going great with one person, it’s crucial to keep in mind that he/she is definitely seeing other people. You need to as well. Plan different events with different prospects, stay steady on your dating grind, and you’ll have a higher chance of finding that special someone. To save time, plan multiple dates at one time in one location, and keep bouncing around to all of them in ten minute spurts. Your partners will dislike your jumpiness, so blame it on your Irritable Bowel Syndrome to get some sympathy. Ideally, one of these dates will be a doctor who may have an actual solution for your IBS.
Cow Tips!
*Some of the best websites to meet other singles are WordPress, Anime Forums, and the IMDB page of From Justin To Kelly.
*Be sure to specify you are NOT looking for a murderer or creep in your bio, just to save all murderers and creeps the trouble of getting a haircut and buying a new shirt, all to find out you aren’t even interested in getting murdered or creeped on. They are people too.

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