How To Quickly Hogtie a Hog Before It Steals Your Social Security Number

Did you really google this? Like, actually? What have you been doing? Why do you carry your social security card with you? Are you in some sort of a blood feud with a hog? What the hell is going on here?



Re-evaluate everything that has happened up to this point.

    Somehow, be it nature or nurture, you have found yourself compelled to do research about how to protect yourself(in a very specific, albeit inefficient, species appropriate way) from a hog that you believe intends to steal your social security number. This is not a place you have come to in the heat of panic. There is no time to google when faced with an angry wild animal. Presumably, something that has happened recently (perhaps an encounter with a hog) has led you to believe that at some point in the near future you will need the skills contained within this article. There are many paths you might have taken. Why hog tie? If this hog is truly a danger, why not simply ask a butcher to do his daily work? Ignoring that, did you not think that standard hogtie techniques would apply to a hog with identity theft as his/her goal and thus thought it prudent to narrow your search? So here we are. I urge you to not pursue this line of inquiry further and perhaps right the ship that is your fractured, very strange life.
Cow Tips!
*Seriously, what is the hog even going to do with that information? Call Sears and open a line of credit?
*Does this hog already know your mother’s maiden name? The street you grew up on? Your first pets name? The first concert you went to???!?!?!?!

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