How To Register To Vote

Due to us all being upstanding citizens living in the World’s Greatest Democracy, we are afforded certain rights that others around the world unfortunately do not have. These include: freedom of speech, freedom to wear skinny jeans, freedom to watch five episodes of Honey Boo Boo back-to-back, and most importantly, freedom to vote. We take this last one, voting, for granted, and a shameful amount of people do not seem to exercise this privilege to elect those who will drive our nation forward. That can be a big problem, especially in a year like 2012 (year The Avengers movie finally came out). However, studies have shown that lack of voter turnout isn’t due to general apathy, it’s simply because most people don’t know how to even register!! The process is a tad complicated, but we’ve simplified it below to make it as painless as possible:


1. Find out what you qualify for. Although we are granted the freedom to vote as citizens of the USofA, we are not granted the freedom to choose WHAT we vote for. Unfortunately, not everyone is always ready to step up to the plate for the bigger events, such as the current Presidential Election. Schedule yourself in for the local WCIVF (What Can I Vote For?) exam, administered monthly, and see what opportunities you qualify for. Based on your score, you’ll be able to find out which Voter Tier you fall into: Tier A (ex. Presidential Elections, Congress Races), Tier B (ex. VMAs, ESPYs, American Idol), Tier C (ex. what your mom makes for dinner, if you have to be the designated driver), or Tier D (no Voting Power this year).
2. Sign up online. Once you know what you are allowed to vote for, go to the respective website and follow the instructions to get yourself in the system. All websites will ask tough questions to verify that you are not a robot, so have your wits about you. Trick questions may include: How much net profit do you earn a year (discarding replacement of old parts?); Do you find Wall-E attractive? ; What reboots quicker, you or your computer?
3. Notify your Celebrity Big Brother. I know a lot of you think that celebrities make videos like these but don’t really care whether you vote or not. WRONG. A little known fact is that each county in America has a CBB (Celeb Big Brother) who oversees who is voting and who is not voting. Adams County in Iowa? Your CBB is Jason Mraz. Trempealeau County in Wisconsin? You lucky ducks, you have Deelishis, winner of Flavor Of Love season 2. You must send a hand-written letter to your counties CBB in order to complete the final step of registration. It is not uncommon for celebs to reward those people who manage to get a lot of their friends and family to register as well; this is how Keisha got her start.

Cow Tips!
*Remember, there are absolutely right and wrong answers when voting. Three bad decisions and you are moved down a Tier. After five, you are hired by Donald Trump.
*Voting is important and you should do it, if nothing else, then at least to get a free badge or pin or a Facebook status with 15-20 ‘Likes’.
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