How To Be A TwentySomething

Being in your 20s is hard; it really is, you guys. During this decade, we are supposed to: graduate college, find a job with steady income, date around, ideally find our life partner, start living independently, and begin reading more than just the movie review section of the New York Times. With all this change and uncertainty in our lives, we are often left directionless and lost, hoping for someone or something to guide us tenderly through these tough years. How are we supposed to do all this? What are we even supposed to be doing? Well, read on fellow confused souls.

  1. Feel “weird” a lot. The ages between 20-29 can be best encapsulated by a general feeling of uneasiness and insecurity. It doesn’t always matter what the source of these vague emotions is, just the fact that you feel them is more than enough. Anyone who seems to exude overt confidence and happiness is not really living their 20s in the correct fashion, and that behavior should really be frowned upon. If at any point, things seem like they may be coming together in an orderly fashion, quickly get a DUI or quit your high-paying job in order to restore “Confusion Homeostasis”.
  2. Be disengaged. Apart from a few relationships here and there, don’t go out of your way to really connect with any other living soul. Your 20s is not the time to forge lasting bonds with strangers, that’s what the rest of your life is for. Just keep reminding yourself that no one understands you, that no one gets you, and everyone just talks to you cause they want your Netflix username/password.
  3. Engage with Lena Dunham, however. Lena Dunham is one of our generation’s preeminent writers about the malaise of being a twentysomething. The movie Tiny Furniture, as well as the show Girls, will obviously be on repeat in your apartment, but feel free to interact with her on Twitter to get your questions answered. Stray from her blueprint at your own peril.
  4. Be broke. Approximately 60% of conversations between friends around this age revolve around fiscal irresponsibility, and around 95% of those conversations end with “…but like, fuck it. YOLO”. Keep up this decision-making process, as financial security is a sign of maturation and stability you need to shun for a few more years.
  5. Write an online blog/journal. What better way to share your plight with the world than a public forum to express your qualms and fears. Keep people informed of your failed hookups, drunken shenanigans, and workplace worries with an online blog, appropriately titled something nonsensical like “Ruminations” or “The Life That Was” or “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised…But Will Be Live-Blogged.”
Cow Tips!
*Other things twentysomethines must do: go see M83 in concert; fight with parents during at least one family dinner per month; eat cold, stale food even when better options are available.
*If anyone tries to tell you that you live a privileged life and have no reason to complain about anything, whip out your iPad and show them the cracked screen and say “you don’t even KNOW”

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