How To Avoid Getting “Catfish”-ed

We’ve always thought that the progression of technology and media would make all our lives easier, imagining a world where a simple click of a button could take our socks off after a long day of work, or cook us a nice home-cooked meal (currently, these jobs are done by our dogs). However, one area which hasn’t seemed to improve despite the new tools at our disposal is the dreaded R-word, Relationships. Now days, fueled by the current social media renaissance, it’s easier than ever to get duped by strangers online, falling victim to their funny tweets or fleeting snapchats. In fact, the occurrence is so frequent, the term ‘Catfish’ has entered common parlance to describe a person who creates fake profiles and portrays someone else online. Don’t get fooled by your online lover (only by your REAL lover!) — follow these tips to stay ahead of the game.

dude your girlfriend BrandiixXx is super hot, props.

  1. Ask hard-hitting questions. In the initial stages of your online romance, before you start developing very real feelings for someone’s twitter avatar, get to know this person a little bit. Don’t throw softball questions at them any ol’ creep can answer, go real raw with your inquisitiveness. Ask this person what their song preference is while cutting their toenails, or how they would rank all eight seasons of Monk. If the answers given are NOT “’Happy Ending’ by Avril Lavigne” and “Trick question: Adrian Monk had OCD so he hated lists”, this person is not real.
  2. Search for all pictures. You’ll have to continue doing personal research on the side while involved in this online flirtation, and a big part of it involves scouting for pictures. Find this person’s facebook, instagram, linkedin, whatever, and go see what they look and whether the pictures are consistent. Don’t fret — if the snaps are blurry or this individual covers their face a lot, it’s not necessarily a bad sign. It could just mean they are unappealing to the eye or have a horrible deformity, which makes sense as those people will be the ones looking for love online anyway.
  3. Talk to them on the phone. In an amazing statistic, 99% of people claim that they can tell whether someone is a guy or a girl based on the sound of their voice (other 1% are currently being Catfish-ed). To dispel any doubts, force your lover to engage with you on the phone, so you can have oratory confirmation that he/she is real. If someone from the opposite sex picks up, and says “No, this isn’t so-and-so, I’ve been playing a trick on you”, you’re fine. Your paramour is just playing hard to get, and we’ve all been through that, am I right?!
  4. Meet in person. Reader’s Digest recently ranked “Meeting in real life” one of the Five Best Ways to get to know someone, and it’s an underrated point. Set up a time for you two to finally hangout, and put your mind at ease. One or two cancellations/postponements by them isn’t super alarming, but if you have to reschedule upwards of seven or eight times, it’s safe to say they’ve either dumped you, aren’t real, or don’t have a subscription to Reader’s Digest magazine (*all three not mutually exclusive).
  5. Get on TV. A last resort for those still in doubt. If you and your lover can’t meet in the flesh, and you have exhausted all other options, get yourself a camera crew to help solve this mystery. In fact, there is a show on network television that deals exclusively with exposing fake relationships called Kim Kardashian’s Fairytale Wedding.
Cow Tips!
*The term “Catfish” originates from the underwater world, where Catfish often pretend to be actual cats to get into more exclusive parties.
*If you are lucky, someone will send you a website which has “sexxii pics”, or will ask to set up a webcam to chat, and all your lingering doubts will be put to rest!
4 Responses to “How To Avoid Getting “Catfish”-ed”
  1. Juliette says:

    Great post. Really good tips for anyone who is dating. I hope you don’t mind if I reblogged this one. I am guilty of getting caught up in the show one afternoon with my daughter. It was a train wreck – we just sat in disbelief wondering if there would be any survivors.

Check out what others are saying...
  1. […] Great post…A MUST for anyone who is online dating or even thinking about it. […]

  2. […] already covered how to avoid being duped by the irresistible allure of a catfish. But like with cassette tapes, and coins, there are two sides to every story. There are innumerable […]

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