How To Enjoy This Weekend in NYC

New York is known as the city that never sleeps for a reason. There is a LOT going on. Most of it is shit.  How can you sleep with so much shit going on around you? Answer: You can’t.  There is a guaranteed  surefire, can’t miss way to have a blast in NYC this weekend. Blogologues … Continue reading

How To Be Lonely

Like any art form, being lonely is not something that is easily mastered. You can’t learn it from a kit, or just from watching your older brother do it on Saturday mornings. Anybody can throw on an Adele song and cry while finger-painting, but to really BE (and not just feel) lonely you will have … Continue reading

How To Tell Your Kids Santa Claus Isn’t Real

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in their bed, and the parents were sick of pretending to be … Continue reading

How To Properly Network

19% Skill. 13% Understanding. 20% dimples. 8% Pluck. 12% Luck. 4% extra P’s. 24% Kiefer Sutherland. This adds up to a failed recipe for success.  The proper recipe is 100% networking, 0% trans fats. Whether you are trying to improve your place in deep sea architecture, a real profession, or simply raise your status within … Continue reading

How To Avoid Thanksgiving Cleanup Duty

Thanksgiving is a cornucopia of contradictions. When Abraham Lincoln declared it a national holiday, he intended it to be a day of giving thanks. But, since Lincoln was Illuminati, he was also sowing the seeds of future sociological strife. Why else does the government require us to spend the day with the most annoying people … Continue reading

How To Turn Water Into Wine

If you are interested in becoming a Saint, you are going to have to either be able to run a 40 yard dash in full pads in under 4.2 seconds, or perform a miracle, and let’s be honest, if you are reading this blog both of those things would be a miracle. Bazinga! (And lets … Continue reading

How To Choose A Tattoo

So you’ve decided to sit in a barber’s chair and let someone stain your epidermis! You’ve cleaned your arm and taken your anti hepatitis medication, and all that’s left now is to select a pattern. This will be the most important decision you make when it comes to “ink & skin” based decisions (other than … Continue reading

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